I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you will always have a special place in my vag
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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