weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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