i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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