Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
