i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
