i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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