At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
