I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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