The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
