that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
