When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
