i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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