Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
