Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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