who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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