theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
