This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
