I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize