Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize