He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
