If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Alive.
So much puke
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
