Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
