so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
