I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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