The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
