Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
