how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
