since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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