Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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