She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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