Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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