i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
