He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
