i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
