I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want to make out with him forever
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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