After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
