Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
