it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
