Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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