First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think my nap took me to another dimension
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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