So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
