imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want a musical about memes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
