well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
