can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize