toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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