Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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