My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He shit in the fireplace
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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