i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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