Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Less talking, more tequila
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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