So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
