His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
