To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
