thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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