i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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