You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize