so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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