There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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