the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
