At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
