Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
