i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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