i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have fence marks all over my body
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize