I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
