She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
