TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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