Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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