I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
