Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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