this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize