i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
