I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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