even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize