I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
