Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
