Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
