I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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