If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
