You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
