They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
