O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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