I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
