youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
