Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

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(571): View more from Virginia

dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

Fav 8 1552 2329
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing

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(323): View more from California

No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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(573): View more from Missouri

his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

(314): View more from Missouri

did it work

(573): View more from Missouri

that's not the point...

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(661): View more from California

I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...

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(785): View more from Kansas

Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.

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(817): View more from Texas

On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.

(682): View more from Texas

Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.

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