My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
