she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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