Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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