So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
