Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
