I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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