he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
