I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
