Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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