capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's how pantless uber rides happen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
