it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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