her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
