i just wanna soil my oats bro
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
