if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
