Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
