Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
