I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
