I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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