Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
