Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize