I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize