the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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