she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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