I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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