I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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